Since I haven’t had the time to post anything for awhile, I decided to try something different. While cleaning out some old boxes, I ran across some late high school/early college years writings. Some are poems, some are essays (written for a variety of classes), and some are just late night ramblings. So just for fun, I decided I should post some of these, reflect a bit, and see if they mean anything at all. I’d like your thoughts also. Maybe they’re just the ruminations of a life weary, angst-laden young man trying to find his way. I’m suspecting this is the case…

So, in no particular order, here’s the first selection from the “early years” anthology. Enjoy, and maybe let me know what YOU think.

(January 13, 1979)

It seems as though contemporary society hinges on some irrepressible, unseen force that guides people’s actions and molds them into a sameness, a conformity that seems endless. The individual in society is looked down upon for his different opinion or feelings. The individual’s mode is adjusted according to the rejection he recieves because of his convictions. He becomes a changeling, one in limbo between his beliefs and the desire for acceptance. The truly strong, or courageous, person is the one who exhibits “grace under pressure” and continues in the stand of his beliefs. One’s principles can be jeopardized by this outside pressure until that person becomes a loathsome being to himself. He does everything he said he would never do, and becomes everything he said he would never become. Only this “grace under pressure” can save a person from being molded into an almost comic stereotype. One’s principles must be upheld in any endeavor to reach the plane of self-acceptance, where one can face himself and be proud and not turn away. These principles are the only weapon against a forceful society. The air, however, must be cleared of all misconceptions, and true feelings must be revealed. Once the principles are made apparent and the revelation of one’s true feelings takes place, the path is cleared for an open relationship between a single soul and the millions of other single souls in the quandary that is life.

So, I wonder what that was all about? I’ve read this so many times and yet I cannot recall specifically what was the driving force behind these thoughts. Evidently there was some sort of struggle taking place; what it was I really cannot say. And while I’d like to think that I was some highly principled young man of convictions, I don’t believe this was the case. Oh I had convictions of course; I’m just not sure they were necessarily all that noble or pure.

I’m also guessing that this was written during or after some highly traumatic experience with a member of the opposite sex. You remember those days (or maybe you’re in the midst of them?) when you got dumped and swore you were never going to go out with anybody EVER AGAIN! Which for most of us guys lasted about five minutes when some other young lady caught our eye by paying even the slightest attention to us. Yeah, we were real tough and strong. So perhaps this essay was written around one of these experiences.

I would still agree with the opening statement. Observing today’s culture (what I called then “contemporary society”), there does seem to be something that drives people to conform. I think one of the results of this conformity is the polarization we see: “liberals” vs. “conservatives”, western vs. non-western values and traditions, and globalization vs. protectivism, just to name  a few. Whatever particular ideology you hold to, it seems as though you have to subscribe to every single aspect of that particular tribe in order to be considered a true member. In some cases, if you deviate one little iota, you’re considered anathema. So the pressure to conform is great; more conformity then leads to this polarization as each side digs in, unwilling to lose the identity they fought so hard to obtain. Whether or not I was observing something like this back in those days or just suffering from the normal pressure to conform (dress, hairstyle, language, etc.), I really can’t remember.

I’m remembering that part of what led me to write this was conformity in thinking. I was not concerned with outward actions or behavior, but what led people to conform in thinking. Why be a clone or a drone in your thinking? And this means not so much as having a unique original thought as it does to have your own thoughts, not just the spewing out of whatever thought happens to be in fashion at that time without any regard or understanding of why you hold those thoughts. Examining one’s attitudes and opinions is perhaps best exercised before those are shared or lived out in some way; I also understand that in the process of sharing or living out  attitudes and opinions, one can grow in their understanding of why those are held. And perhaps change where needed?

 And the part about the plane of self-acceptance? I have no idea what that means…